Suns and Universes
by bobbingformangos
Summary: The moons and stars and cosmos weren't bad. Not when a whole universe was building from deep inside of her, lighting up the darkness of her world. Emma didn't search for her Tallahassee when she knew that it was Regina all along.


_moments. these are just a series of moments. _

_just read to the end. it'll be sunlight again. _

_listening to bat for lashes' good love. _

_also, my french teacher told me adieu was a final goodbye - sorry if that isn't true. it works here though. _

_**unedited.**_

* * *

There is finality in goodbyes.

For Emma, they were moments in her life that felt like she was getting her intestines pulled out of her abdomen - but she took them with grace and accepted them for what they were.

Once, many sunrises ago, Emma was told that in the french language, the word _adieu_ was said when you would never see the other person again.

She didn't know if that was true but she liked it.

There was no confusion when the word was said.

In the english language, goodbye often stood for something momentary. There would be a tomorrow and another sun with the person that you were whispering your goodbyes too.

But adieu was final.

That today was the last moment of sunshine that would shine on the two of you together.

It didn't feel like running when Emma whispered the words against skin. Her lips pressed at the spot under Regina's ear and her body pressed in Regina's arms.

It was nice to be held and Regina was firm in her embrace.

Emma wondered if she held so tightly to people because she was scared they would slip out of her touch.

That's what Emma feared too and it's nice to know that she wasn't alone in the fear.

Except Emma was learning to let go and Regina was clutching on.

And Regina was starting to get greedy.

Her arms too full.

There was only too many people that you can clutch onto and there were only a certain number of spots to be filled.

And sadly, Emma realized that the spot that she was meant to fill was already taken by another.

Regina didn't want to let go though.

Of either of them.

Emma understood that Regina had her world taken too many times, thats why she held so tightly to the things that she loved.

But Emma also understood that she couldn't share Regina's heart with another when it was already stretched so far.

Emma couldn't be the sidelines when she wanted to be Regina's sunrise and sunset and all that is between.

And it was the revelation that she couldn't sit by and watch either.

It hurt too much.

Emma doesn't run anymore, but she does know how to slip away quietly - making sure her family was taken care of and safe.

She needed to get away.

Regina didn't understand the finality in Emma's words. She must have never studied french or watched the sky, because she didn't understand that Emma's light was setting below the horizon and she was now a starry darkness.

Regina just held onto the blonde, clutching her in her arms as they stood at the foot of her bed.

The first and only time this would happen between the two.

Emma let it.

No words spoken, actions have always spoken the loudest for both women.

Though there was something beautiful in the way she was saying adieu to the other woman.

Their bodies came together at noon - the sun at it's highest peak. It slipped into the cracks in the blinds and illuminated the sweat coated bodies of the two women as they bowed their heads in a prayer to each other as their bodies moved together. Slipping against each other, riding their hips together, moaning over and over promises that neither would never be able to keep.

The sun wrapped them up in it's warmth as they came together in delirious euphoria over and over again.

Regina caressing and slipping inside Emma with promises of forever while Emma kissed and memorized every inch of Regina understanding that this was their ending.

Irreversible endings.

Finality.

There was beauty in it.

As the sun descended and they reached their peaks over and over, eventually surrounding themselves in white magic and creating their own universe in that room.

Eventually they collapsed together, unable to continue on in their passion.

And Regina held Emma again causing the blonde to choke on her sobs as she pressed her face into Regina's shoulder.

Regina mistaken sobs for happiness and smoothed over Emma's hair and kissed her cheek and licked the salt from her throat and relished the fast beating heart that pounded for her.

Regina clutched onto too many things.

It was no surprise that once she fell asleep, Emma was able to slip from her embrace.

Selfishly laying kisses on the woman's chin and nose and over her heart.

Emma left her jeans and shirt on the floor. Her panties and bra on the chair and opted for Regina's yoga pants and oversized sweater and slipped out of the mansion with a soft adieu from her lips.

And so, when Emma stepped across the line into the real world without a single piece of her family with her, the sun set and her world was becoming moons and stars and cosmos.

* * *

The moons and stars and cosmos wasn't bad.

Not when a whole universe was building from deep inside of her, lighting up the darkness of her world.

Emma didn't search for her Tallahassee when she knew that it was Regina all along. But instead, to her surprise, she found pieces of it floating around inside of her as she traveled with the moon guiding her way.

She thought of Regina each morning the sun rose above the horizon.

One day she was watching it from the mountains.

Another from the beach.

And then another from the grey concrete highway.

The sun rose and so did thoughts of Regina.

Emma wondered what she was doing.

What she was thinking.

Emma felt a pang for the woman, for slipping out of her grasp, because she didn't want to slip away from Regina.

But when your arms are too full and when you can slip so easily from it, then maybe she just wasn't supposed to be there.

And she had memories infused in her skin.

She had sunlight glowing from within.

She carried Regina with her as she slipped into the night.

She would think of her parents sometimes, but found comfort in knowing that they had a little girl, albeit green with dark ringlets, who they could raise.

She thought of Henry but he had his memories and mother once more.

They would miss her and she would miss them.

But this was necessary for her heart.

* * *

The universe grew and grew inside her.

Settling in her abdomen before growing outward.

Pulsing sunlight through her bloodstream.

And just like how everything was made of stardust, the universe was created in ten months, surprising the blonde and spiraling her into a fit of disbelief.

It felt like Regina had burrowed into her heart and took over her body.

But Emma knew that it was only her sun rise and love, filling her chest, as the universe prepared itself to make it's way into the world.

And so fear turned into acceptance and acceptance turned into a small cottage in the mountains with her hand over the stretched skin of her belly.

And the universe was born in the light of the moon, in the single room with women who Emma had seen shooting stars in their chests.

The universe entered the world with a loud, demanding scream and settled once a sweet milk hit her lips and she nursed at Emma's breast with bright eyes that reminded Emma of the sunrise.

She had birthed a brand new universe made of everything in her body and everything from Regina's body and it had shined brighter than the sun.

She was magical in a world without magic.

She was bright and shining.

She was new and hopeful.

This universe taught Emma how to love fully and selflessly.

This universe taught Emma how to be complete.

* * *

Emma was always rough, a flower with missing petals.

The mountains suited her.

It provided her with moments of solitude and exploration and self discovery.

It provided her with knowledge and community.

She was able to plant roots into the ground and finally grow.

She named her universe after a princess lost and without family in hopes that every time she called out the name, she would send a prayer to the universe that one day she would be able to find it within herself to return to her family.

Anastasia was a spitfire.

She had her Ma's rough edges and her mother's softness and was filled with hope and healing and so much fucking love.

Her first words was bee and her second was Ma and Emma told her stories of a woman who loved horses and had a heart so big that it could love entire universes. She called the woman Sunrise and told the little girl that she was so bright that she could fill the entire universe with light.

And Anastasia would cuddle into Emma's lap, tilt her head back to watch her Ma's lips, and hung on every single word.

And although Emma couldn't give Anastasia the sunrise, she could try to hang the moon for the little girl - and she did.

* * *

A bluejay found them hiking a trail when Anastasia was four, landing on a stump next to the pair.

The little girl saw it first, watching it with childish wonder and remained very quietly as she starred it down and crinkled her nose at it.

Emma noticed the small parchment wrapped around it's ankle.

The little girl's nimble fingers got it off the bird's ankle before Emma could process the magical creature and how it found them.

Anastasia flipped her head to the side so the wild, unruly dark curls would get out of her sweaty face as she unrolled the small scroll and scrunched her eyes.

"C, c, c," the little girl sounded out, "uh, mah. Come. H,h,h."

"Come home," Emma said aloud in surprise. She took a deep breath as she looked down to meet her daughter's bright eyes. She gave her a small smile, "It says 'Come Home', little bee."

The child scrunched her face together in confusion and turned to look down the trail that lead to their small cottage and then back at Emma.

Emma smiled softly and shook her head.

Her heart was racing, not needing to look at the writing to know it was her mother's plea.

She replied to the little girl's confusion, "To the place where the sun rises."

And Anastasia nodded her head, remembering her Ma's stories, and gave her the biggest smile as she lifted her head to meet Emma's eyes.

And as if it were the simplest thing in the world, her small lullaby voice said, "Okay, Ma, let's go."

* * *

The sun rose across the horizon, lighting the sky with oranges and bright pinks, the moment that they crossed the town line.

The sleeping little girl, strapped in her five point harness carseat in the back, popped open her eyes as if she was in charge of when the sun rose and set.

Her eyes greedily took in every sight around her.

"The trees are different here," her sleepy voice carried to Emma's ears, causing a smile to come onto Emma's lips.

"Yes, little bee, they are," Emma commented after a few moments, the beetle coming into the small town by the sea.

The four year old continued, "It buzzes here too, Ma. Like hives. I feel it on my skins."

Emma felt her heart beat a little bit harder remembering the magic here and how it buzzed against her skin.

That was a good way of putting it.

It buzzed.

And so she nodded her head at the tiny child and continued driving, letting the fiddles of the music on the cd rise in volume and lead them toward the sunlight.

* * *

Apparently their arrival in Storybrooke was felt throughout the town because the moment that they pulled up at Granny's, Emma recognized that most of the town's cars was parked in front of the dinner.

Or maybe it was just a normal Saturday morning and Emma and Anastasia and came at an awkward time.

Her heart was on fire when she stepped out of the yellow bug.

It thumped wildly in her chest as she tried to swallowed her anxiety enough where it didn't drip onto her daughter when she reached into the backseat to unbuckle the young child.

She crouched down next to the little girl, reaching into the backseat to grab the girl's coat before helping her into it and watching the child's little fingers button the purple peacoat.

Mother and daughter pulled on crocheted hats and scarves to protect them from the bitter air before Emma shut the door and reached out for Anastasia's hand.

The child stood next to the car and looked at Emma's hand before glancing at the restaurant that was alive with people going about their Saturday morning with their family.

Moments like this, Anastasia looked like the sun rise and Regina's uncertainty. The little girl worried her bottom lip before reaching up for Emma to pick her up.

Universes were only young for so long and the mother reached down to pick up the little girl and held her on her hip.

Anastasia buried her head into Emma's neck and inhaled, safe.

"Let's go, little bee," Emma whispered into her daughter's dark curls as she crossed the street and up the path.

The restaurant was silent when the blonde walked in, her hands clutching at the little girl in hopes that she would keep her grounded to the earth.

Emma wanted to turn into the moon and drift away, scared.

She was scared and it hit her then that being away taught her how to be open.

She gave a sheepish smile and Ruby was the first to speak her name aloud - breaking the spell that the entire room was under.

Over and over, her name was said as if it was a prayer of hope and happiness and a shout for joy.

It was friendly and it was love and Emma didn't realize that anyone other than her little girl could use her name in such a way.

Or maybe, Emma was realizing that people have always said her name with such joy and hope and it wasn't until Anastasia taught her how to hear it that she could make this realization.

Snow came in a blur and held her daughter and buried her face in the little girl's back without realizing that there was a child between the two of them.

Anger towards the blonde for leaving and left her body many years ago and now, relief and hope filled the mother's heart and words as she cried her name and whispered reassurances that she knew her daughter would come back.

But it was when Henry bounded into her side, a boy of nearly seventeen now, that Emma lost her control as she reached out an arm to cradle the boy's head into her shoulder and sobs escaped her lips.

Anastasia was a patient child but she was a child. It didn't take long for her sweet voice to reach a height were everyone could hear, "Space please, space please."

And a rumble of laughter picked up in the back of there room and became infectious as a surprise son and mother looked at Emma with questioning glances.

But it was the sunrise in the back booth that caught Emma's eyes where the two people parted and gave Emma space to see.

She was so bright that Emma didn't know she was lacking it until this very moment.

How much she needed it until her eyes found it.

Regina stood in the booth, her hands on the table on either side of the plate to steady herself, with wide eyes and red lips and a halo of sunlight surrounding her being.

And the buzzing in Emma's chest exploded as she let out a breath - in pain and need and hope.

There were words being thrown around her, stars and universes colliding, but Emma's eyes were only on the sunrise in the back of the room and she knew, in that moment, that Regina felt the explosion and buzzing too because she stepped out of the booth but paused.

Tentative.

Charming had quickly gotten a chair for his daughter, in the center of the room, and everyone waited for her to take a seat.

Like children anticipating story time.

And Anastasia rested in her lap, facing out to see the world - always curious - with her head resting back against Emma's chest. The little girl fiddled with the button on her belt as her eyes darted around the room, taking in new faces, before settling on the woman in the back.

She tilted her head up, before Emma could speak aloud to the crowd, moving her eyes back so that she could meet Emma's eyes, and she smiled so brightly, as if she knew that her universe was about to collide with there one that helped make her. Her voice, excited, "It's Sunrise, Ma, Sunrise."

And that's when Emma took a deep breath, speaking loud to everyone but her eyes moving from her daughter's to Regina's, as she started her story, "I created a new universe and her name is Anastasia and I believe she had finally found her sunrise."

* * *

Emma told the story of how she found herself in the mountains.

On how she raised an infant and toddler on trails and in a small community where friday nights were for dancing and sunday mornings meant hikes.

She told how she found magic in the stars and how she had to leave to learn to be complete and along the way she gave birth to a little girl who loved without limits.

People hung on her words, making her feel more and more assured of her decision.

She made no apologies for leaving, but spoke of sorrows for missing them so much.

She told her son that she loved him each and everyday and told her mother that she kept her in her heart.

She spoke of her father's courage guiding her in the darkness and the town's belief in her that sparked a fire that she had missed her entire life.

She spoke of giving up things so that one day, she will be able to have it once again.

She told them how she learned not to love too tight, how to be gentle with the earth, and how to take appreciate for the mornings and tea and cooking.

Because at some point, Emma Swan learned how to cook, and she was pretty proud of that too.

Henry had pulled a chair up next to her at some point and rested his head on her arm and poked the little girl in the side to get giggles to escape her lips.

And laughter was often infectious when it came to a child and everyone followed along.

And Regina stayed standing.

In her spot.

Shining like the sun and watching a lightness radiate from the blonde.

One that was dim before, that she tried to dig her nails in and keep clutched to her heart.

And she realized that the blonde was never meant to be restrained and clutched in a grasp.

Just like her son wasn't supposed to.

Or the world.

It was a realization that Regina was sad to learn so late.

* * *

"She's beautiful," was the first thing Regina said when she cornered the blonde in the back hallway of the diner.

Henry took well to the big brother role and the little girl had found a friend in her green aunt who was only a year or so older than her. Her grandparents kept a close eye as the kids ate their breakfast.

And Emma was leaning back against the wall wishing that the earth was under her feet to ground her.

Because she was scared and it was okay to feel that way.

Not scared of Regina but scared that she would try to swallow the sun.

And Emma was never fully offered the sun to swallow.

"She's us," Emma whispered, bitting her lip.

Regina's lips downturned and her eyes widened, Emma knew the look all too well - loss. "Us?"

"Us," Emma confirmed.

Regina sucked in a breath and blinked away tears and nodded her head in understanding. She knew it but needed the confirmation. Anastasia was the perfect mix of her and the savior.

There really was no doubt.

Except for the reason that Emma left.

Regina never wanted to play games in her life and was always straightforward.

Emma was thankful for it. Thankful for the rip of the bandaid.

"Why did you leave me?" Regina whispered, trying to stay in control over her emotions but she found herself putting a hand on the wall next to the blonde's body to steady herself.

And Emma didn't want to hide, she wasn't scared anymore. So the tears that fell were free, catching the sun that came through the side window. She whispered, meeting Regina's eyes as she cringed her answer, "You had me and you had him and I wanted you to only have me."

Regina's hold over her tears broke the moment that a sob escaped her lips. Her stomach clinched and her hand moved so that it touched Emma's arm and she felt the magic flow between them without hesitation.

She sobbed, moving closer to Emma, "I woke up that morning and you weren't there, Emma. You were gone and I couldn't find you."

Emma nodded, confirming what was already known, "I left cause I needed to be me. I left because I couldn't handle not having all of you. I left because I was incomplete and you were too and I needed to leave."

Emma didn't care if her words didn't make sense, but the relief of saying them meant the world and Regina cried more as she tried to grasp hold of something but couldn't.

Regina sucked in a breath, tears running down her cheeks and catching on her red lips, "That morning, when I woke up, I let him go, Emma."

Emma sucked in her bottom lip and paused.

She nodded.

And she gave Regina a watery smile that was coated with hope.

She lifted a hand, hovering over Regina's cheek as she met her eyes asking permission.

And when the woman pressed her flesh into Emma's hand, turning her face so that her lips could kiss Emma's palm, Emma finally felt like she could breathe because the sunlight shot through her body and sparked a new fire inside.

Emma realized that goodbyes are never final.

Adieus were farewells with small flakes of hope threaded into the syllables.

* * *

"Ma!"

Emma quickly got up from her spot on the soft couch in the mayor's living room. The diner was becoming overstimulating to the little girl and Emma suggested she take her some place quiet for a nap.

Immediately Regina suggested her home - which meant that Henry and her could monopolize Emma and Anastasia's time for a while.

There had been no hesitation to that suggestion and soon they found Henry in his room reading by his window as the little girl curled up under his childhood quilt on his bed.

Emma had spent the time on the couch, legs tucked under her and hand on Regina's knee - needing the connection - telling the brunette stories of a life in the mountains and a little girl who was a spitfire and a woman who was now ready to love.

But then there was a little girl at the threshold of the room looking at her mother nervously and Emma got up to walk over to her, crouching down next to her.

Gentle smiles for the universe in front of her, Emma asked, "What's wrong, little bee?"

Anastasia let out a little yawn and covered it with the back of her hand.

Regina watching the exchange closely - smiling at little pieces of her daughter that reminded her of herself and others reminder her of the blonde.

Perfect mix.

"I wanna cuddle," the little girl pouted, lip jutting out causing Emma to smile at the game she knew all too well.

She noticed Henry on the steps, watching and as she stood up to lean against the threshold, she crinkled her nose at him and smiled before turning to the little girl. "Well, go cuddle."

Anastasia furrowed her eyebrows, "Not alone, Ma."

Emma nodded, crossing her arms as she ran her tongue over her teeth. "Okay, well, do you want me to cuddle with you?"

The little girl shook her head, unruly curls whipping back and forth in the negative evoking small chuckles from Regina and Henry.

Emma nodded, playing along, "Well, there's a couch right there, want to cuddle there? With her?"

Emma tilted her head at Regina, catching the woman off guard as the little girl looked over at the woman and gave a small little curve of her lips.

She let out another little yawn and sighed, "Yeah, that sounds good."

Emma waited, tilting her head in the direction once again but the little girl didn't move. "Scared, little bee?"

Anastasia shrugged her shoulders before tilting her head back and forth in the positive.

Emma smile and crouched down, in a stage whisper she said, "Well, little bee, start walking over to her. If you get scared, you can look back at me and when our eyes meet, what do we see?"

"The moons and the stars, Ma."

Emma smiled and nodded, "Yes, my little bee, and when you look at her, do you remember what you see?"

And Anastasia looked back at Regina, warmth flooding in the room as the little girl announced, "I see the sunrise, Ma."

And Regina finally knew what it meant.

True Love.

Her family.

Her heart.

Henry.

Anastasia.

Emma.

True Love.

This was finally it.


End file.
